I spend a lot of time in fear and pain. Today I’m actively choosing to thank you for your faithfulness (as fearful and unnatural as it may feel). Here is my offering back to you … just a warm up list of all the ways you provided for me personally during a grievous loss. Please keep opening my eyes to more of your faithfulness. Help me to let go of pride and arrogance in thinking the “little things” aren’t really from you or that they don’t really matter. Instead I ask you to open my eyes to see them as personal, intimate ways you are seeing and loving me, your daughter (Psalm 139). I ask that you keep opening my eyes up to thankfulness in everything. You say you can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
- birds chirping
- kids screaming, arguing and laughing … life in my home!
- the smell of fresh flowers on my kitchen table
- a blanket of green, from all of the trees, in my backyard
- fresh brewed coffee
- sunshine beaming in my kitchen window
- the stillness outside after a thunderous storm
- kids playing quietly while I write my thanks to you
- a loving, tender husband & partner
- my children, new life
- intimacy (verse loss of relationship) with God through (to date) the most terrible time of my life
- surrounded by women who loved the Lord and continued to help lift my head when I no longer had the strength (Philippians 4:13-14)
- the life of my siblings still here
- restored relationships
- ability to not have to work during that time to free up more time to be with Brother
- not having to worry about finances on top of grieving my parents
- Austin and Brady surviving the plane crash, the life that shot through our veins to remind us you are still here
- you never left us (Deuteronomy 31:8)
- you are restoring devastation, even still (Isaiah 61:4)
- sunshine to remind me of your presence
- a quiet place to be with you while Austin was in rehab
- girlfriends to fellowship with that know the pain of losing a good mom who was a good friend
- peace knowing mom and dad are in Paradise and it is well with their souls (Luke 23:43)
- because of their dwelling, it can be well with my soul. I can grieve them in a good way.
- my grief comes from a place of deep love & I’m forever grateful
- I get to grieve a dad! I got to have an earthly father … something I gave up on as a child but you didn’t. Your gift giving is rich!
- training from my parents for this very day (without them even realizing it). Thank you for lighting a fire in them to be so laser-focused on training up their kids in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6)
- a marriage that has depth … depth of love as he’s seen me at my worst and loved me through it, stuck with me through it and still, to this day, would choose me again. Thank you for his life and keeping it here with me.
- a passion for your word that was ignited during all of this
- a passion and drive to know you fully…
- and a brand new awareness that I didn’t fully know you yet (Psalm 119:18)
- their death brought me new life with you … any doubt or question is removed and I know where I’ll be when I die (Revelation 7).
- you ancient words that are still true and relevant and continue to bring life to my dry bones (Proverbs 30:5)
- consistency in you in a time that was full of chaos, change, fear, pain (Hebrews 13:8)
- when fear overwhelmed & doubt flooded my mind & questions of the future, I could rest because I know your promises are true. My God is sovereign and works all things out for the good of those who love him … regardless of how I feel about that (Romans 8:28, Isaiah 55:9)
- I have a rich heritage in you and, because of this, I can look forward with hope (Isaiah 61, Revelation)